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Nurburgring News

The Nürburgring is sold. Demolition planned.



A new buyer has been revealed this morning in a shock press conference. Representing a "national interest", the buyer is apparently very close to a deal to not only own the circuit, the land and the facilities. But also the rights to the Nürburgring name and even the concept.

"The Nürburgring is great national institution," said a representative for the soon-to-be buyers. "It's a facility built by the people, for the people and that's how we want to keep it."

Initial plans are to operate the circuit in Germany while simultaneously building a replica in North Korea.

"The Western Capitalist pig-dogs are ruining a great track," confirmed Onda Wong-Line, spokesperson for the DPRNK Racing Inititiave. "Their evil capitalist ways will spell doom not only for a great symbol of Nationalistic Pride, but also for their entire economy. It is the duty of our Nation and our God Leader Kim Jong Un to save the circuit from the so-called democracy of Germany."

When the new NorthKoreaRing is completed, the original will be destroyed, confirmed Wong-Line, ranting: "Germany's soft-shelled so-called Democrats do not deserve such a powerful symbol of National Pride! If they are willing to sell it for only the price of a single dog-carrying satellite, or a few grams of enriched Uranium then it is our duty to remove it from their greedy grasp!"

"Communism could be the way forward for this track," confirmed one Professor of Politics from Pyong-Yang, who preferred not to be named as I just made him up. "The Nürburgring was initially concieved and constructed during the rise of a totalitarian dictatorship, and many feel that the pansy-wansy free market has not served the circuit well. A return to dictator-rule and a vast input of public funds will be just what the circuit needs."

jongAfter the North Korea Ring is completed, the original Nürburgring will be detonated by a "glorious intercontinental javelin of destruction from our god-leader" confirmed Wong-Line. "Stars wlll fall, the planet will tremble and the guard rail at T13 might just come loose."

The people of North Korea are reportedly very excited to be taking on such an amazing responsibility, with many of them crying tears of joy in the streets while beating themselvers over the heads with sticks. Though as yet it's unclear how many of the impoverished nation actually own a sportscar, or can indeed drive one.

"Racing will not be necessary," added Wong-Line. "As everybody already knows, not only did Kim Jong Un invent racing cars, he also won the VLN championship five times running. In a Lada. And he completed the 24hr race in first position, driving the car alone without pitstops and setting 200 new lap records at the same time. Even Sabine Schmitz hasn't done that yet. Has she?"

New BMW Jong-Taxi will be a sure-fire hit.


Scary, yes? Bad of me? Yes. But the point remains, any nut-job with the right money could buy the 'Ring right now. And that's just not right, is it?"

- Dale



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